And Now, Back to Our Regulary Scheduled Programming

First of all, let me apologize for the recent lack of postings, I intend to fix that. For those of you who know why the postings were so few, I'm done thinking and I 'tend to start doing, so don't ask.

Now, our programming. This is a site I found through Fazed (another great site, by the way) and it has got to be, quite possibly, the best example of a WYSIWYG website name on this whole wide series of tubes. I'm not going to write it aloud, as it is quite possibly NSFW, just if you need a laugh (and trust me, it works), then start to clicking here.

Twofer:

If you don't care about what NSFW means because your job entails putting letters up on store signs, but you still want to lose your job, then, by all means, go here and see how they roll in Polo, IL.

Threefer:

It was a great show and a great time put on by both Chicago Farmer and Ernie Hendrickson Friday night at Chicago St. Pub. Both musicians have Cd's out that you should seriously consider picking up if you like good, honest, acoustic guitar driven music.

Wow. I Just Went 36 Hours Without Eating.

It's been... and will continue to be... rough.

Anywho, I'll persevere, somehow, I always do. Besides, now I have to, my favorite time of the year, Spring Training, has started and I get to imagine my beloved White Sox winning the series again, and they get to invent new ways of screwing it up and pissing me off.

It's part of the joy of baseball season, well, that, and the Palehose series of comic strips. For those of you not in the know, it's a comic, based on the Chicago White Sox, by Carl Skanberg that follows the season and helps die-hards, like myself, survive it without resorting to self-induced alcohol poisoning.

The new year, Palehose 9, can be found here.

Bonus!

Palehose 8: Don Guillote

Palehose 7

Palehose 6

Some Favorites!

In Which Every Thought Goes to the Mouth

In Which Don Guillote Discusses The Enemy on His Trail

In Which Don Guillote Suffers the First Attack of the Twinkies

Weekend at the Shield

"There's a list. Well, many lists, actually. And, the few that you don't fall on are all mine, baby."

What those lists are? I'm not going to go into it, let it suffice to say, they're all in my head and I won't be forgetting them anytime soon.

So, in the spirit of life shattering announcements and changes, who wants to do something crazy?

Come on, I work cheap.

Love in a Digital Age.

I don't know, maybe I'm getting old. The mall is becoming a more and more foreign place with each visit. Every time I return it seems I find something new pertaining to how I just don't fit in anymore. Like Hot Topic, I know it's not for me, and even when I had a Mohawk or blue hair, it probably wasn't for me, I know it's wall to wall douches, pricks, and people who look suicidal, but aren't, though they probably should be. I get all that, the problem I had with it today was, as I was walking by, I thought their music was too loud.

I know! However, and this is my saving grace here, the music did suck and, therefore, any volume would have most likely been too much. But, thanks to all of that, I've come to this conclusion:

Punk isn't dead, it has just learned how to cry about its problems.

The point of today, with it being Valentine's Day and all, is actually a young couple I saw on my trip. High Schoolers, probably not together for too long, and how those relationships are different now when compared to my time in High School, which wasn't too long ago. Now, I could go into a long essay and point out, with examples, the many differences, but I'm not going to do that. No, I'm just going to sum it up with a (terrible) drawing I did of these two because I did not have a camera handy.

This is, to the best of my knowledge, exactly what I saw.

Cellphones: Communication Nirvana

Yeah. They were six inches apart, talking on two different cellphones, to two different people, at the same time, each looking like the other one only exists to piss them off.

Would it still be irony if they weren't cheating on each other?

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.

The Fix is In.

The American Kennel Club is a joke. Last year they finally had a different breed, a beagle, win best in show at its dog show and it turned out to be a huge media coup. Everyone loved that little dog, and even I must admit that it was pretty damn cute, and it ended up everywhere. So, these geniuses, they needed a way to keep this going, but how? How could they make this year's winner top last year's and still make it look real?

Easy, they picked the oldest winner in its 133 years, a 10-year-old Sussex Spaniel that not only didn't look like the best in show, group, or breed, but also looked like it was about to drop dead. The poor thing looked so tired and worn out from all the attention that I thought he needed a good nap, but instead, he'll get to spend the next year of his life traveling around the country to promote an organization that apparently picks their winners from a few select breeds, probably the ones they want to fuck.

Would explain why the Herding Group has only won once, well, that and it was created in 1983.

Back to music, I got my Maria Mena CD, Cause & Effect, today, and let me tell you, she apparently has mom issues. But, that's OK, because it's set against beautiful, stripped down to its barest form, pop music and even though the lyrical content can get uncomfortable at times, especially since you don't know this girl personally, it really lets you focus on the emotion and beauty of her voice. If you get the chance, you really must listen to All This Time (Pick Me Up Song).

Oh, and while you can, start listening to Deconstructing Jim because they're calling it quits soon. These local rock staples since 2002 only have three shows left, cumulating in a farewell show at, where else, Chicago St. Pub on March 27th and I know it'll be a blast.

Plan on being there, I know I am.

"I know they think I'm crazy, but everything I am is everything I was taught to be."

I've decided to be a smart ass and post a review of CD that I just love. I don't care what you think about it and, depending on how this turns out, I may just do this again. Today, I'm proudly presenting:

Album: White Turns Blue

Artist: Maria Mena
Released: July 20th, 2004

Two reasons I wanted to do this; One, I've been listening to it a lot, which has driven me to spend way more on a CD then I've ever wanted to in order to import her most recent release, Cause & Effect and I can't wait for it to arrive. Two, in my repeated playings, I've been hearing the story of young girl losing it and I know it's not there because this CD was put together from her first two albums specifically for U.S. audiences. So, I'm going to spell it out track by track to see if I can not only convince you, but myself as well.

Track 01: You're the Only One

The start of a new relationship. Everything is bright and cheerful, and our young girl is reminiscing of all the times with this special boy. Laughing about her insecurities and how he's the only one who can be everything for her, until it all accumulates in her admitting that there's a part of her that likes to bring him down because she fears that if he realizes how amazing he is, he would leave her.

Track 02: Fragile (Free)

Another conversation with herself, only this time it seems things have gone south for our girl. It sounds like the boy realized how amazing he was and he made pain into something she could touch. She's hurt in this song and her lyrics tell you this, however the music is something different, it's almost as if it's telling you that there's an air of hope to this depression, that the girl may be determined to be better because of it.

Track 03: Just a Little Bit

The music for this much self-loathing should really be more melancholy. Our girl is slowly starting to go as she lists her faults. Maybe she should be a little bit stronger, or a little bit less needy, or even a little bit pretty, if only she could get herself together, she thinks this stuff wouldn't affect her. Maybe, he would need her...

Track 04: Blame it On Me

... or not. It doesn't matter now, she's angry. This relationship is over and it's her and the person he thought she wanted him to be fault, not his, and she's fine with that. However, she says, don't blame it on love, love had nothing to do with this, and if he blames it, he'll end up regretting it.

Track 05: My Lullaby

Our first real ballad. The pain is starting to spread and the mistreatment from her mother is coming into play. She's opening her soul to her, why she cries, why she sings, and then asks her why she treats her this way, saying, it's not my fault they didn't show you any affection and that the only things left for her are to become bitter and to grow old. Our girl is now clearly hurt and taking it out on other people.

Track 06: Take You With Me

The anger keeps spreading as she decides to tell her boy all that he meant to her. Saying her life was a circus show and she was on a rope about to lose her grip when his hand reached out to her. It's sentimental and raw and in this context it sounds like her life is starting to return to that circus.

Track 07: What's Another Day

It sounds like the boy is ready to hear her out. She pours her heart out to him, telling him that he's the best thing for her, that he made her the person she is today. She tells him that she can't sleep when he's gone and these days without him have been the worse. The boy, seeing all the inspiration blossoming from this replies with, "Well. What's another day?", meaning, she's lived through these past ones without him, why wouldn't that continue.

Track 08: Lose Control

The title here is pretty self explanatory. She's tired of waiting for him to come around, tired of all of it, so she's going to go have a little fun, kind of. She's not really trying to spite him, but more to incite jealousy, and do just what it takes to make him hers. Sit back, relax, and enjoy her show.

Track 09: Shadow

The beginning of the end. It's all coming back and merging together, all the songs prior are hitting all at once. She's back to second guessing herself and realizing that if she's this messed up she'll never be able to win him back. Not like this, not as herself, and definitely not as that person she was trying to be in Lose Control, she realizes that she is lost in the dark and the only thing she needs is to see the sun, she's a shadow, both his and hers.

Track 10: Your Glasses

We're thrown a curve ball, there's another girl and ours doesn't handle this very well. She now can't figure out why he could have ever possibly loved her, she doesn't kiss as well as his new girl and besides, as thinks as she returns to self-loathing, she's the one who drove him to her. Well, her and her fear of intimacy, she deduces from her reflection in his glasses.

Track 11: Sorry

The building anger finally bursts in her and she breaks down. In this ballad, the best song on the album, you can hear all the sadness rushing out from that anger and you can tell that she has nothing left, that the only thing she needs is him. She whispers, in desperation, "Why can't you love me? I'll change for you, I'll play the part." To which he coldly replies, "I'm sorry, so sorry."

Track 12: A Few Small Bruises

It's the end, and she's contemplating ending it, until someone intervenes. A new boy has been listening to her story, he reaches his hand out and tells her he understands and makes her sound genius, makes her sound special so she'll come down. Bringing us to the conclusion, where she realizes that, "Except for a few small bruises, cuts, and scars, well, I'm fine. Thank you for asking."

Is it a stretch? I don't know. Probably. But, I can't help it, my taste in music has always been driven by vocals and lyrics, and this album seems to do both very well. Maria's voice is unique and in places, especially Sorry, it conveys so much raw emotion that you start to feel very bad for her, she really sounds like someone who has lost it all and, to me at least, that's the way music should be.

That's Where the Pony Poops.

Right there.
(Image Stolen From Tim's Lady-Friend's MySpace.)

They just won't be able to do it in Marshall Field's Macy's anymore. Since seeing-eye miniature horses aren't dogs, they will no longer be officially recognized service animals.

My thoughts, they are mixed. From the part of me that's against this, I look at how some people have allergies, or dog phobias and how they would need a different animals. Also, about how these already disabled people don't want to have to keep replacing a dog every 10 to 12 years and that a pony would be a perfect fit for them. I see how this decision, no matter what logic it's based on, could have a negative effect on some of the most needy people.

Don't get me wrong, I see the flip-side too. It's a decision used mostly towards Capuchin Monkey and the belief that they could become incredibly aggressive without warning, and if you ever saw that news special about people treating them like human babies, then you know that can be true. Even still, I'm not completely sold on the passive nature of miniature horses either, anybody else remember MTV's Rob & Big?

Damn it, if they aren't cute, though. And, if it all comes down to pooping, just do as Captain Murphy suggested on Sealab 2021:

"Put some ass-bags on it!"

"We love you, Conrad. Oh, yes we do."

I heard it for the first time in forever today, that song, and Jesus, I wasn't missing it. I get it, I really do, and, don't get me wrong, I appreciate the love, just not at my day job. Conrad is a fun character and I can see how he could be memorable, when played by the right person, a good actor. But, that wasn't me, not ever, and especially not my senior year of high school. Cripes, I was hungover for at least one of the performances.

So, let us let it go, ok? I don't do much stage work these days, as much as it gnaws at my need for attention. I write now and if you have happened to have seen and, God forbid, like my portrayal of Mr. Conrad Birdie, then please, don't thank me by singing, thank me by buying a copy of my book. (You knew I'd get around to it.)

Besides, my Piney was so much better.

Five Minutes of Your Life Wasted Watching a Squirrel Bathe Itself

And, yes. I have done that recently. It was on the toilet, so it was much more productive than at least one family caught in the Kentucky Ice-Storm.

I swear none of what follows is made up.

Dammit. I wish I could find this news report, for it perfectly explains why there is a border between Kentucky and Illinois and it isn't because of the Ohio River either. It's because of morons, people who were willing to burn down their entire home because there was no power and they needed to keep warm.

Now, those of us with a slight grasp of common sense and a many-forked tree can see the flaw in their plan, but, they had a wood burning stove and they wanted to go for the gusto. To get the fire going they ripped out their wooden fence, threw it in and caught the attention of the local news station. And, this local news team, they thought the plight of this family would make for an excellent story, so they started to film.

How the family did suffer! They no longer had a fence and the patriarch was certain that if the heat didn't come back soon, he was going to have to start splitting furniture apart, and rip up flooring just to keep the fire going. He was going to run out of wood, and, outside of his own home, where on earth could he have gotten more?

Hold up. Take a look outside my house after a very similar storm.

Well, shit. And, to this day, I still have that fence.