"For $7.50, this drink better s**k and f**k me!"

I have a question; What do you think is going on in this picture here?

The problem with the answer is, besides the fact that I don't know it, the book that it comes from doesn't explain it either. It's from something called a tract, this one entitled No Fear and it's published by Chick Publications, a company working with Protestant fundamentalists. And, if you take it with a grain of salt, it's got to be about one the funniest pamphlets on suicide that I've ever read.

But, not the funniest thing I've ever read... not by a long shot.

That's because they've made other ones, on other topics, ranging from homosexuality to Halloween to the Catholic church or "Great Whore" as they like to call it. Each one I come across, with the plot holes, historical inaccuracies, and outright lies, proves to be more entertaining than the last and now, thanks to the magic of the Internet and chick.com (Who clearly aren't in on the joke) I can now provide you with links to not only some of my favorites ones, but every one they've ever made.

Oh. Yes. Every. Damn. One.

Happy Hour: Drinking, heart conditions, and why you should always send a dying woman's young daughter into seedy bars to find her daddy, especially when the dying woman is dying.

Are Roman Catholics Christians?: A lesson on the Catholic Church and how it's Anti-American, related to those evil ancient Egyptians and teaches us that, in one sentence, we don't know how long purgatory lasts, and in the next, learn that Popes have been there for centuries.

Boo!: "@!!!**! I forgot my chainsaw!" Makes a lot less sense when it's Satan talking, and he's wearing a Jack-o-Lantern on his head, and has a pet snake on a leash. Yeah. It's about Halloween.

Hard Times (Adapted for Black Audiences): I guess that means racist cartoons and very little reading. Also see: The True Path (Adapted Especially for Native American Readers)

Baby Talk: Starts with redneck wife beating and ends in an argument about abortion, probably wrote itself.

One day these things will be collector items, so, make sure to keep your eyes open anytime you visit a store that a Protestant fundamentalist would shop at. (Actually, that probably narrows it down to just Wal*Mart.)

"I'm no devil, but it depends on who you ask."

Something simple before work here; Mark June 9th down as a date for opening your wallets. It's the official release date for Aimee Allen's new album, A Little Happiness.

For those of you unfamiliar with her, Aimee's been around the block, so to speak. Originally a solo artist with a punkish vibe, she was ready to drop her first album, I'd Start a Revolution if I Could Get Up in the Morning (Free Zip Download Here), with tracks produced by Mark Ronson, in 2003 on the Elektra label. She had a music video for the title track and was even doing a promotional tour of Universities for a music network (This is how I came across her, thank you Western Illinois University), if this were any other industry, things would have seemed to be starting off great.

Too bad she got into the music business.

Elektra goes bust, her album gets shelved, and she, for arguments sake, drops of the face of the earth (Actually, she was acting, scoring a part on MTV's Undressed), probably never to be heard from again. Thankfully, she found love.

That came in the form of Scott Russo of Unwritten Law fame, and their often turbulent love affair produced one of my favorite albums, Scott & Aimee's, Sitting in a Tree. Here we still see signs of Aimee's rock and rebellious side, sometimes even turned up a notch with the addition of Mr. Russo. But, some tracks showcase a mellow, more island feel to Aimee's repertoire, really letting her voice shine through and really adding to a much better album experience.

However, the album goes pretty much nowhere, but Aimee doesn't. Her song from her first album, Stripper Friends gets reworked by Tila Tequila for her God-awful dating show, and, on a brighter side, she gets a song, Cooties, on the soundtrack for the movie Hairspray.

And, then it gets worse.

While working on this new solo project, Aimee was assaulted in a random gang attack outside of an L.A. recording studio, putting what seemed like a permanent halt to the record. But, not for this girl.

She completely reevaluates her life completely changes her sound, producing an acoustic guitar driven, reggae inspired album that includes some old songs reworked, some brand new ones, and a fantastic cover of Sublime's Santeria. (Available for listen via her MySpace)

Regardless of the success of this album, the story behind it should be more than enough for people to stand up and take listen. So, you. Yeah. You. Take listen, you shouldn't be disappointed.

So... this is the future.

Yes. I've finally moved on from an old HP desktop, what with its 60gb hard drive and mind-numbing 128mb of RAM. My future, it comes in the form of the HP tx2627cl Tablet Notebook.

Oh, sure. It was a display model, but I'm good enough with this crap that it doesn't worry me at all. Besides, the 12.1" swivel touch screen, 320gb hard drive, and 3 gigs of memory, more than make up for the purchase price. Which, by the f'n way, was only $500 bucks, that's nearly half off the original, so I couldn't pass this up.

In other news, it's baseball season! Yay. I now have two weeks before the White Sox piss me off so much that I can't watch them.

Righteous Hillbillies - Soon.

Deconstructing Jim - R.I.P.

Hope the reunion goes soemthing like this: