"This is life at a pace that will crush us all right back to where we began."

When I grow older, much older than I feel at this moment, I have but one request for the man I shall become; Study Andy Rooney.

OMG! Yes. If you've never seen any of his segments on 60 Minutes then you, my friends, are missing out. His ability to ramble on about the most random and senseless thoughts is simply unmeasurable, if only because he's creating the scale all future pointless diatribes will be based on.

I only mention this because I saw his newest one today and it was about the weather. More specifically on the fact that we can't control it. And, by that I mean, he was actually speaking to the audience like it was life shattering news that humans can't control the weather, which, speaking for myself, was news that completely altered my life. You can read the transcript here, but doing so will only leave you with the question I've been pondering all night;

WHO THE FUCK IS SUSIE?

Not that I actually care, this is just a mental exercise. Preparation for the mind done in the hope that if I do it often enough, maybe just maybe, when the time comes, that I will be just like Andy Rooney. With quotes you can beautifully take out of context, like; I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran. Why wouldn't I want to be?

I wonder if he likes music like I do? If he does then he should really check out Greenland is Melting and their album Our Hearts are Gold, Our Grass is Blue. It's a folk record with great harmonies and arrangements that you can just find yourself getting lost into. And, yes. This one is free to download from Paper + Plastick, so long as you don't consider your email address to be currency. If you do, then tune in next week as Andy Rooney rambles on about your severe case of stupidity.

Free Download

You're the sweetest girl I've ever met. Perfect in every way. Those stupid things you do, the horrible decisions you make, they don't bother me at all. So, don't take the fact that I'm removing you from my life personally. Justify it the way I do; Convince yourself that there's something horribly wrong with me.

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Download: Greenland is Melting - No More Sorry Songs
via Greenland is Melting

"Circling the Dairy Queen while jacked-up rides idle at me."

First of all, for the purpose of this post and your general entertainment, please, watch this:

Did it sink in?

That answer isn't important, I'm still going to go over the anatomy of a riot. Why? 'Cause this, my friends, was no riot.

Paging Dr. UT Pussy. Get your shit together! You gotta crawl before you can walk kids. This was not rioting at a college level, this wasn't even rioting on any level. What this was, was a fun run, a sing along, and an unauthorized campfire. Let's get this straight; To even be considered a riot, personal property must be unwillingly destroyed (setting your own mattress ablaze does not count), cars must be flipped, and the "athletic" police officers (if not National Guard members) must be deployed, in full on riot gear to quell your uprising. This just gets an F for presentation and an F for effort. Go back and repeat Rioting 101 again, we'll hire a new professor for you.

I'm not kidding either. I attended a Jr. College, A JUNIOR COLLEGE, that lit a couch on fire in the stairwell of the dorms just for the hell of it. You don't impress us, hundred-thousand dollar university.

What impresses me? John K. Samson, the leader of The Weakerthans, and his little, three song solo record, City Route 85.

Pretty. I'll soon have it on a t-shirt.

Yes. This is short and if you're unfamiliar with his work you may be a little hesitant to shell out the six bucks for the vinyl (no CD). That's understandable, but you'll really be doing a disservice to yourself if you don't go out and at least download the other two songs from a reputable dealer. (Track 3 is provided for you below, gratis, from The Weakerthans' website.) Samson is an amazing word-smith, singer and guitarist, and these three songs are the perfect example to what he does best.

*NOTE: If you do purchase the record, the first 500 come as white vinyl. I don't know if this is sold out yet, mine hasn't arrived.

This city seems content to tempt fate and avoid burning itself to the ground on a nightly basis.

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Download: John K. Samson - Cruise Night
via FoxyTunes

"It was ego who was flying the banner for me and Mia, Ann and Ana."

See? I told you stupidity would hold a special place in this blog as I moved beyond music. Oh, well. If this is what I want...

J.C. Penny, department store extraordinaire, has produced a line that, even I, find questionable in its branding. If you've been in any of their stores lately and have a mind like I do, then it shouldn't be too hard to figure out which one I'm talking about, it hit me right in the face as I walked in. But, if I must spell it out:

a.n.a. - A New Approach

First off, let me say that the name itself is a flat-out, fucking lie. Ana is not a new approach. In fact, it's so not new that there are a number of support groups out there to help people dealing with the affliction.

No. But, kudos to the marketing team for sliding that little turn of phrase in there. Nothing like the inside joke of naming your women's clothing company after an illness that many of your target audience develops because of the models wearing your product. It's so wonderously circular, it's quite amazing that someone could find this not a good idea.

In the grand scheme of things, I don't actually care and I'd never call for a ban or a boycott. I find it hard to believe that people are starving themselves to fit into J.C. Penny clothes, but it's still tasteless nonetheless. Seriously. It'd be like a calling a summer retreat for A.D.D. stricken Jewish kids Camp Concentration.

Body image is a dangerous thing to fuck around with, especially when it comes to the young people out there, but maybe I'm the only one reading too much into this. Who knows? Maybe I am, but if an idiot like me can make the connection, that means one young girl can too. But, what's one person in the grand scheme of personal fortune?

You really don't want me to answer that.

Yeah. Sometimes, though I'd never admit, certain things hit a little too close to home.

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Now playing: Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Me And Mia
via FoxyTunes

'Last one out of the city, burn it down."

Hopefully, with it being a new year (or, so I've been told), this little corner of the nobody-readsasphere will get updated with a little more regularity. I know I have no one to blame but myself for this, and for that I will give myself the requisite forty-lashes. Unless you'd prefer a good, ol' fashioned Singapore caning - I can do that, but somebody is going to have to provide said cane.

Anyways, with this first post of the new year, I'd like to add a couple of local Chicago bands and their albums to the list I made in the last post of the old year. The reason for this being; I heard them too damn late. One album arrived at my door on New Years Eve and the other I downloaded the very last day it was available for free. (Sorry. I felt like I needed to rub that in.) After listening to both extensively I feel like they probably would of made my top 10 list, but that's the extent of it. I'm not going to try and figure out where they belong and who gets knocked out, I don't care that much for pointless lists. Instead, I'm just going to call them numbers 10.2 & 10.3.

#10.3) The Rikters - The Rikters

This album as gotten shit from other people and it's quite undeserved. Yes. It seems to be stuck somewhere in mid-tempo for most of it, but, if you can get past that, you'll find a beautifully rocking album full of love and lost.


#10.2) Kid, You'll Move Mountains - Loomings

I don't know why I hadn't heard of this band or album. The simple description; melodic indie rock filled with clever lyrics sung with cohesive male/female vocals. The complicated; Buy it & come up with one yourself.


There you go, with that done, be on the lookout for more posts on varying topics, anywhere from the educated and artistic circle of society to plain, unadulterated stupidity. Trust me when I say there will probably be a lot more posts on one of those subjects than the others.

Oh! And special thanks to Leon from The Gasoline Brothers (Their album, Tsk! is available now, for free!), for taking time out of his busy schedule to not only look at this POS site, but to comment on it as well. Let's see Katy Perry or Miley Cyrus do that.

Seriously. I know it sounds sarcastic. But, that would actually be pretty cool if they did that. I'm not too proud to beg.

Let me say first; The person you met that night wasn't me. Physically, it was. Spiritually, I'd already stamped my ticket to hell for a myriad of different reasons. I'll see you there.

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Now playing: Kid, You'll Move Mountains - An Open Letter to Wherever You're From
via FoxyTunes